Caitlin,
I am some of my medication in my body I can navigate my body move through new York. You've rigged this thing to help me now or it seems the sleep thing has shut off now that I've asked to stop sleeping. I want to die everytime I sleep I'm forced to sleep then able to process these childish emotions but they are all based on base feelings my love of Brooklyn the dream of dating and fucking your friend. None of these emotions are based in reality or with the complexity of a human. I'm still controlled at this point I see the homeless and am reminded of what has been done to me; that Harvey Weinstein recreated the feeling of Judd street with the fear of prison and judges my mind forced itself to turn off emotions, Hughes was speaking to me this day outside the big laundrymat whoever on the other end put a mass amount of work in hiding the truth about this project. I can restore my life perspective at any time I can take off the albert simmons pallet of fear, prison, control. This is why I left the black heart that night I found the way out of their control with the merkabah. Whoever is on the otherside has worked to create worlds of misery, homelessness, a reality seperate from myself and my personal perspective. I have never been offended in the way the mayors office hid the anniversary shell outside the Brooklyn court room that day, reemerging me with the Paris Hilton and smoking fetish shell. I'm deep within myself I can feel this beyond the current shell this shell has occupy Wallstreet and fashion.
This, the experience of this lie is the cruelest thing to have done to a man anytime the name Harvey Weinstein was associated I rotted the belief in my retina that I look good emerged he created a game of me didn't like that deep down I hate him that I shit on this man, I have chosen a new Pete mastronardi for my birth to life in this man. A replacement scumbag to assure I come out the same with the same ethics clean of a thing which claims to have had him and his ex wife in my mind. I'm 27 illegally held in this and a legal resident of the state of New York where I voted for John Kerry and Barak Obaama. At some point there has to be an end they have to return me to society. I need these people out of my body, they place perceptions in my eye some are that of a child. They create false smells to cause me to seizure. I can't imagine how this is possible a reality where this is done to a human. There's the hopelessness that drove me to play Moby -Play on repeat in childhood. This should destroy their control on me, much of this is possible with my medicine.
I keep viewing the same memories, I'm living in this book of mystery where Harvey Weinstein inverted crane street created a friend I had when I was 13 as my tormentor. People from the mayors office used the name of Christie cummings to represent fashion.
I don't know who's on the other end there's this weird oddity in writing somebody is replacing reinserting the references that were blocked by somebody else. References I live off others alter my perception on what I'm writing. I live in a hostage playworld where for years people have pretended to be you, in live in hopes of rebirth with you that you'll say yes at the end of nu media So Fucking What. That I'll marry you in London symbolically to be reborn with you as Christina Ricci at the end of Natural Blues (I am old inside the living dead in the retirement home of the hostage watching clips of Anna and the year 2005.
I refuse to let this thing control me. To prevent emotional depth or to create worlds that do not involve the physical or reality. I refuse to argue with the jpg of Harvey Weinstein or to live in the lie that is created for me, forced control from others who insert fear, insert words. I refuse to be dehumanized in this hell.
-Little Nemo
(Christopher)
A Caitlin rodriguez production
little nemo on hbo
10/28/2011
black Caitlin heart
the school of visual arts church of silver tiLes day 368/8 James Hughes Days
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