Caitlin,
the people on the other end feel they own everything I write/feel/create all of my emotions are controlled by them. They want a machine for me to never shit on the sexuality of having a smoking fetish and to control all of my perceptions, I hostage refuse to abide by this. I refuse to play into a game where I have to be kind to people who speak through my body. They refuse to come directly to me, they negate both my art and the basis of the project. They want to play into something I'm not and invent a world where homelessness has made it that I find kindness for the earth, I am a hostage guided by James Hughes back to reality. I live at occupywallstreet because of their refusal to come and directly pay me. They want a world where my fetish guides me but none of this has ever been true, I am a hostage who requires his medication. I do not want others to write for me or control me. I don't know who these people are, I want them all to go away to exist in a world solely of you. I want to know your family I have not seen Halloween since 2008 because of these people. I should not know what jailbars are like it should not be 2011. There should not be something to force me to sleep. Everytime I sleep I fucking wish I was dead I don't understand how it's okay to go to sleep in a thing where others control your body. I refuse to ever agree with them or go to Connecticut I would never take $ for this. For many years they have hidden from you what they do to me. Then I create out of sickness later there is pride. they force me to stare at the hands of others in new York create this cum like feeling for me to rant for me to then create this worthless artwork without my medication. I have never counted a day in my life without my medication. They pause my thoughts, they wish to fuck with the intellectual ability of my medication. They want there to be a villan they want a cartoon world. Every comment is a campaign controlled by others. I'm being forced to sleep, they throw this feeling at me because they want control to control the entirety of what I say. Everything must fear or associate to Harvey Weinstein I'm to be disturbed by this because I no longer wish to write this persons name down I cannot prosecute him while still trapped in this. Everything I create cannot be apart of a game. They tell me to panhandle quicker in order to become heify. They control what I say to help me, they want all things to be references they want control.
If I hatethe art it becomes altered art can become sad, art can feel hurt, art must be proud in a conspiracy where they refuse to cone and pay me and refuse to give me the medication I require needing to understand life because I have ADD
I am so incredibly deep in sickness without mental facilities without the ability to generate thoughts, I need to enter the world of the monican.
My disdain for the entirety of this is so fucking great. I cannot imagine why I have created any of the artwork without my medication. It's apart of a chess game that James Hughes has to play for my freedom to get rid of people who use references to promenent memories against me as characters. Memories like John Blaney from childhood. I'm down to 5 now this is the symbol of North 5th street and artwork I'm proud of, the only artwork I have ever made and been proud of is on my medication. I do not count the days without my medication, there is no way to reality without my medication. Simply gaps in time/days and life counting. Mass periods of time as a hostage that don't count where my words are worthless qnd Hughes has to program the world of Alex Kidd. I assured your name has GOD credit through doing this. To assure there's evidence/to assure the magick globe of the god producer represents something. All of the $ from this hell will be yours. The tv station in Williamsburg will be yours. This is my wedding purposal to you: years of artwork love muse as a hostage, i purpose to you marriage and a television station. I want to know you as a husband knows his wife I want a wedding in Connecticut with Nisha and symbols of emotional love. I want our first wedding to be symbolically in London, to represent my class status that I never lost my beauty and grace despite being a homeless hostage I remembered your eyes and the small fragments of your personality my mind can recall until I'm fully medicated. This is the dream I live by in my hostage hell. I love you wherever you are, God of dreams, I love you.
-Little Nemo
(christopher)
A Caitlin rodriguez production
little nemo on hbo
10/31/2011
black Caitlin heart
the school of visual arts church of silver tiles day 371/8 James Hughes days
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